What is love?

A long time ago (almost 10 years) I had a girlfriend during my first year of college.  I was taking my first Human Development class and learned about attachment theory and the differing styles of attachment.  Basically the short version is that kids develop beliefs about interaction based upon the way their parents treat them.  When children cry and caregivers respond the children learn that when in need someone will help. Children that are overly protected and not allowed to learn independence develop an anxious style that means they are unable to handle separation from a caregiver and constantly seek reassurance of love and support. 

Back to my girlfriend, when he parents dropped her off at college and finally said goodbye, she cried and ran after their car for over a mile.  When she told me this I was totally appalled at her obviously anxious attachment style and have often though that in relationships such displays of emotion were "red flags."

Let's fast-forward 10 years to this weekend.  I am now trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist and this attachment theory is a basis of my therapeutic works with individuals, couple, and families.  When saying goodbye to my wife she began to cry and my first thought was back to this girlfriend I had that ran after he parents.  My instinct was to be appalled, but something didn't feel right about that.  I realized all these years that I had understood attachment incorrectly. 

My wife's tears do not mean she feels my love will not exist when out of sight.  Her tears mean that she loves and cares for me.  She will miss me when I am gone and will be happy when I return.  While I am sad to be gone from her, it feels good to know that she misses me.  It feels good to know that she wants me to return.  I hope that she knows how much I look forward to returning to her again as well (and yes, I do tell her).