Suicide, Shame, Selfishness, and Matt Walsh

When I was 10 years old my father took me to see Mrs. Doubtfire.  It was a big deal because we didn't see movies often--and never had I then, nor now, seen another movie with just my father. Last month, my father died. Several days ago Robin Williams died.  It's an interesting connection to me...and maybe one of the reason's Robin William's death has been so difficult for me.  My heart goes out to his family.  I'm sorry for their loss; it must be so much harder for them than it is for me. He was an amazing and caring man.

One of the most popular articles I've seen shared since the passing of Robin Williams as been Matt Walsh's, "Robin Williams did not die from a disease, he died from his choice." And frankly, it upsets me. He is calling suicide what he thinks it is. "A terrible, monstrous atrocity...The complete, total, absolute rejection of life. The final refusal to see the worth in anything, or the beauty, or the reason, or the point, or the hope. The willingness to saddle your family with the pain and misery and anger that will now plague them for the rest of their lives..." He refers to suicide as a heinous deed and goes on to say, " We want to say nice things, I realize, but it isn’t nice to lie about suicide. It is not freeing. In suicide you obliterate yourself and shackle your loved ones with guilt and grief. There is no freedom in it. There is no peace. How can I free myself by attempting to annihilate myself?"

I have less of an issue with Matt Walsh calling suicide a choice--because it is--even though it does not feel like there is a choice. His post feels like he is walking a very fine line from calling suicide selfish (which many others have). Suicide is not about selfishness. Suicide is more about ending the pain that feels like it will never go away. It is not about shackling your loved ones with guilt and grief--it is about being exhausted and depressed and hopeless from the shackles that have bound you. I refuse to live my life believing my brother or Robin Williams refused to see the worth in anything or the beauty in life--because he (my brother) specifically made an effort to spend time with me.  I chose to believe that was because he cared for me.

I don't enitrely agree with the, "Genie, you're free" photos either--I think they trend towards idealizing suicide.  But you know what--for a lot of people that are suicidal it is ending your bondage to depression and hopelessness.  What kind of life is entirely devoid of happiness? But more important than the clinical professionals--what about the people that are dealing with depression and suicide themselves?  How do you feel about this "Genie, you're free" post? I think your opinion is just as (if not more) important.  Mat Walsh does end his article saying some more positive things but the message he gave over the course of the post is not reversed. As someone that studies suicide grief and has lived the majority of his life grieving over the loss of his own brother to suicide, Matt Walsh referring to suicide as heinous (sinful) offends me. It feels very shaming.

I wonder where this whole shame and stigma thing with suicide comes from. I wonder where this belief about suicide being selfish comes from. It actually feels like saying "Suicide is selfish," is selfish.  How? Because you are not concerned with the pain the person who thinks their life is not worth living--you are more concerned with your own. As said well by Katie Hurley, it is often because of the loved ones and thinking about these loves ones that someone that is suicidal hangs on for one more day.  This gets even more complicated when we take into account the fact people that attempt suicide often perceive themselves as burdens--so leaving would actually be (again) unselfish.

Again, I do believe there is absolutely hope for things to get better.  Talking about your pain is one of the best things you can do.  Dismissing or discounting another's is just about the worst.  Let's focus on mourning with those that mourn and comforting those that need comfort.  There is already too much pain and judgement in this world.