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Friday, April 17, 2015

Britt McHenry and the Anger Iceberg

Britt McHenry and her manners have been trending on social media lately; it's a great example to talk about some of the things I am most passionate about as a Couple & Family Therapist.

First, I share her frustration with towing companies and I do actually think many are predatory.
Second, it is absolutely acceptable for her (or anyone) to get frustrated.

It is *not* acceptable to take this anger and direct it to berating and tearing down another person. I have a great amount of understanding for anger and frustration at towing companies but it is not acceptable to take this frustration and berate a person (looks, education, job, or anything about her).

Basically, Britt McHenry became a big bully and attempted to tear someone else down to make herself feel better. This is a common tactic and one of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships; rather than addressing the things that upset and make us angry we take our negative feelings and shove them onto another.

Anger is like an iceberg; (~90% of it is underwater and not visible). Anger is a reactionary emotion. We get angry because our car gets towed. We get angry because our feelings get hurt. Rather than talk about the things making us angry we push this anger out to other people to vent our steam. Britt, rather than simply admitting you did fail to take the high road I'd love to believe you will actually learn to understand and deal with your emotions. Somehow I don't think this is going to happen.

 

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