Throughout therapy family-of-origin issues (FOO) often arise and are often a source of conflict for couples. One of the ways in which I like to address this topic is to ask clients to draw pictures of and discuss their families. As an introduction to boundaries and bottom lines I like to introduce open and closed family systems to begin the process of reflection about appropriate and inappropriate behavior.
Every family system has a method by which it operates--this system has in impact on the development of the family members. Though family systems can be very complex it is sometimes helpful to break them down into two types: open and closed.
Families are not always only open or only closed--many times families vary between the two. Characteristics of OPEN families are:
1. The family is flexible--change is welcome
2. Feelings are allowed and shared
3. Individual differences are allowed and encourages
4. Mistakes are disciplined and forgiven
5. Family and life roles are chosen by the individual
6. The family system serves/exists for its members
7. The family supports and develops the individual
Characteristics of CLOSED families are:
1. The family is rigid and secretive
2. The family controls which feelings are allowed.
3. Individual identity is lost in the family
4. Mistakes are punished, judged, and shamed
5. Family roles are assigned by the family
6. The individual serves or exists for the family
7. The family is more important than the individual
Note--I think some of these definitions are ethnocentric (of White, European families) and more about being individualistic or pluralistic. I think that the exercise is still a good one. I have attached the entire worksheet and prompts for drawings about certain experiences.
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7 years ago
